Sometimes the two need to be separated…The key is to make your feelings clear about their behaviours on the tennis court – but to always be clear that these are different and not connected to your feelings about them as a person.
You must also be consistent in what you say and must not let the result of the match affect the message.A vital first step is to understand that your child is not a tennis player. Your child is first and foremost a child – they also play tennis.
Tennis and your child's success or lack of it does not define who your child is or, most importantly, your relationship with them. When your child plays tennis you will have thoughts, opinions and feelings about how they are doing. This is fine however you must not let this impact on your relationship with the child as a person. The key is to talk about and, if necessary, criticise the behaviour – not the person.
If you feel that your child has played badly, you will be disappointed. If you feel that they have not tried hard enough or behaved badly you will probably be cross. The key to being a good tennis parent is to make your feelings clear about their behaviours on the tennis court – but to always be clear that these are different and not connected to your feelings about them as a person.
You must also be consistent in what you say and must not let the result of the match affect the message.For example: If your child has behaved badly on court but then ended up having a good win do you give the same message that you would if they behaved badly and then lost to a player they’d beaten before?For example: If a child has had a bad loss and not tried as hard as they might – it would be okay for the parent to show that they’re disappointed. However, if the parent then cancels the planned visit to Pizza Hut because of it then they are in dangerous territory. This is because their feelings about their child’s behaviours are starting to cross over and impact on their feelings for the child.