We are right in the middle of tournament season – hopefully you haven’t spent the entire time watching the rain from overcrowded club houses!
There are lots of tricky situations that can arise when ferrying, following and supporting your children during tournament season, hopefully the following suggestions may help!
Should I pack my child’s kit?
It depends on how old they are and how much experience they have. Clearly if they are 6 years-old and have never played a tournament before then they will need help packing their kit. However, the aim should be to get them taking responsibility for their own kit as soon as possible.
It is always worth reminding them about things if the situation is unusual. For example, if it’s really hot ask if they can think of anything extra that that they might need to take, etc.
What can I do to help prior to a match?
Probably the most important two things are getting them there in enough time to get used to the venue and prepare and then getting their food and hydration right.
I would always recommend getting to the venue a minimum of 30 mins before they’re due to go on court. Players don’t react well if they have to rush out of the car and on to the court. They need time to get used to venue, to warm up and relax for the 10 minutes or so before they go on.
Having a low fat / high carb meal two hours before the match and then drinking plenty of fluids up until about 30 mins before the match will help the player prepare. Again the ideal is that players take responsibility for this, however, it will take a little training!
Where should I watch the match from?
That’s up to you really, although I wouldn’t crowd the court – try to give them some space. If your child says that they don’t want you to watch then ask them why and discuss it, but be reasonably firm and point out that if you’re going to drive them there then it’s only fair that you get to watch. You don’t want to allow a habit to start of parents not watching, you don’t want to spend the next five years hiding behind tree trunks in tennis clubs!
Do I always have to watch?
No – not at all. In fact it’s a good idea to sometimes leave your child to play on their own. It’s good for you to get away from the tennis occasionally and it’s good for them to have to cope on their own from time-to-time.
Should I clap my child’s opponent?
Yes – but don’t go over the top, you should probably only go as far as ‘polite’ applause! It is important that you demonstrate how the things you value the most are effort and performance. So a way to do this is to clap your child’s opponent when they have demonstrated either or both of those particularly well. Obviously you’ll clap your child more and probably more loudly – but again make sure you’re most enthusiastic support is for effort and performance rather than the lucky winner at an important time.
What do I do if I think my child’s opponent is cheating?
Tough one! Not a lot you can do really, it’s a battle that your child is going to have to learn to fight. There is more advice about this elsewhere on this site, but best not to get involved – it will only get unpleasant.
Do I say something if my child is behaving badly?
Again, a tough one. It is the referee’s job to deal with poor behaviour so hopefully they will arrive fairly quickly and deal with the situation. However, at many events the referee is a long way from the court so nothing really happens; so it may be that you have to make a decision about whether to intervene.
There is a point when behaviour becomes unacceptable and your child should know and understand when that is. If they cross that line then you should not condone it by carrying on clapping and supporting, so the easiest thing to do may be to just leave and then discuss it after the match.
With a younger child leaving may not be appropriate so in that situation a quick word from the side to let them now that their behaviour is not acceptable may be a good route. Alternatively, when your child is not looking, go and find the referee and get them to come over and sort out the bad behaviour.
What do I say when they come off court after a match?
The most important thing to remember is that as a parent your primary job is to support and look after your child as a person – not as a tennis player. So your first questions and comments should revolve around making sure that they’re ok, do they need anything, did they enjoy themselves, etc. The beauty of this is that it also gets you away from talking about the result and their performance too quickly.
Obviously you can’t avoid the result so you will congratulate on a win and commiserate on a loss. However, it’s important to demonstrate that you value and reward effort and personal performance above the result – so those are the things to praise and comment on the most.
The final point is to remember that you don’t have to say that much at all. Players often need a bit of time to wind down after a match. As parents our natural instinct is to try and make things ok as quickly as possible, and it is this keenness to help that can actually annoy the player and lead to a little post match stress! It’s ok to just check that they are ok, to praise them for their effort and then to let them get on with it by themselves for a while. When they’re ready they’ll probably start to talk to you about the match.
Do I say what I think about how they played?
Absolutely! If you are going to take your children to tennis events for years to come you’re going to go mad if you don’t talk about it and give your views. The important thing is to be consistent in how you do it.
Make sure that your views are not determined by the result – giving praise when there’s a win and criticising when there’s a loss is going to cause problems long term. Be consistent in your appraisal and comments on their effort and performance, no matter what the result.
If you are going to give some thoughts that could be perceived as criticism, make sure that they are comments directed towards your child’s tennis performance – not them as a person. Also, try to put them across as areas to add and improve rather than as criticism. For example, ‘I think that you could have played even better if you kept your energy levels higher in the second set’ will be better received than ‘you were lazy in the second set’.
Hopefully some of the above will help. If you’ve any other tournament related questions that we haven’t covered here remember that you can e-mail your questions in for Judy.